The Eternal Debate

I'm sure what I'm about to say is going to ruffle a lot of feathers, but the topic never fails to ruffle my own.

Breastfeeding.

We've all heard the pitch. "Breast is Best." I'm not debating that. I am well aware of the health benefits to the baby, the bonding experience, yadda yadda yadda. To be honest with you, I'm a little sick of hearing about it. From the "lactivists" staging nurse-ins at department stores down to the school pick up line conversations. What prompted me to write this is an article I saw today on a major news website. Great article-it was about the difference between "idealism" and "realism" when it comes to breastfeeding and the pressure it puts on new moms. Because the reality is, that a lot of the time, reality sucks. We all have this vision in our heads about perfect bonding moments, but that's not always the way it goes. And it wasn't so much the article that got me riled up, it was the comments. I can't believe some people can be so ignorant.

Let me start with this. I didn't nurse either one of my kids and it was for totally selfish reasons and I own it, so there is no need to bash. I wanted kids, but I hated being pregnant. I was miserable. Between the usual side affects, the unbearable heartburn, and the fact that I questioned every single thing I put into my body as to whether or not it was good for the baby, I was done. After nine months of my body not being my own, I wanted it back.  And when I say I wanted it back, I'm not talking about my pre-pregnancy shape. For nine months my body was at the sole mercy of this little person growing inside me. I wanted to be in control again. Luckily, I have a very reasonable husband who said something that many women don't get to hear often enough... "It's your body, do what you think you need to do."

So, on to the comments...

One moron, who obviously must be a man, had the gall to comment about mandates for breastfeeding. Mandates? Really? His logic was that breastfeeding leads to healthier children which leads to less trips to the doctor which leads to lower healthcare costs. Ok, so maybe his logic makes a small bit of sense, but I would like to shoot it down right now. Both of my formula fed kids are very happy, healthy children whose only trips to the doctor are for their yearly physicals. My son does have very mild asthma, but I also know children who were nursed who have tons of health problems, allergies, are sick all the time, you name it. Would I have avoided his asthma had I decided to breastfeed? Really, I want to know. I want someone to give me a definitive answer. You can't, can you? And until you can, stop making us formula moms feel like we are raising little disease magnets just because breast wasn't best for us.

Another douchebag piped in that his wife nursed their kids because he wanted her to. Then, she was told by a neighbor that her baby cries because she is not producing enough milk. Hero-hubby showed her that the baby was indeed gaining weight, after which she nursed and the baby began choking because her milk was flowing so well. He suggested that it was her mindset that was holding her back from producing milk and that if you think you can breastfeed, you can breastfeed. Buddy, these are boobs, not "the little train that could." There are so many things wrong with this picture, that I'm sure are obvious to someone with any common sense. But having never breastfed, I can't vouch for the mental part of it, other than to say his story sounds a little far-fetched and he sounds like a huge chauvenistic pig. Women, our bodies are ours. Men, state your reasons for your opinions, but in the end leave it up to us.

Of course there were comments from the righteous, who have enough fortitude to breastfeed and strongly advocate it. What I don't like, is these news outlets and research teams attempting to make formula moms feel inferior because it is not what they chose and starting debates that leads to that kind of animosity. I don't like the moms who are all about this looking down their noses at those of us who chose not to. In my case, it was a choice and as I've said, I own it. But for others, it's not always a choice. There are sometimes health considerations for both mom and baby, there is the fact that many women realize that the baby just won't latch on right, I could go on and on. Stop with the snobbery, or even worse, the pitying, sympathetic clucking when faced with someone who just could not make that option work.

I'm sure you've heard the term "Mommy Wars." Do we really need to start the "Boobie Wars?" Get over it people. Own the fact that the choices you are making are what you believe is best for you and the rest of your family. Respect those who make different choices and are living differently from you. Don't we have enough pressure on us to try to raise productive members of society without bringing all the other bullshit into it?

Kudos for a great article. A big fat middle finger to those who totally missed the point of it.